Being Vulnerable

“When I finally surrender, I don’t have to fight anymore. People who loves me stay close with me, and those who hurt me stay away.”

Being vulnerable is not only about being susceptible to physical or emotional attacks (harm). It is more about being strong to surrender to the destiny. Being vulnerable is not only about needing a special care or support or protection due to age, disability or risk to be abused or neglected. It is more about being brave to make decision and commit to do our best in this life, with full intention to fulfill the desire to become content, and continuously finding out and learning from mistakes.

Being vulnerable is the only thing that we can do for ourselves, to surrender and stop fighting for a little bit (at this moment). Being vulnerable is when we are continuously making efforts to be our best, but at the same time accepting whatever comes and consciously being grateful for what we have had.

Being vulnerable is accepting that everyone’s life have purpose and meaning differently. Being vulnerable is accepting that sometimes things are not always goes the way we want. Being vulnerable is accepting life as what is.

Sometimes I wish it’s easy to do all these things. We shall keep learning from life to be vulnerable.

 

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My Self-Awareness

The value (worthy) that we give to ourselves is reflected on the behavior of our act towards others. And that is how people perceive us as a whole.

Self aware is not only about our appearance. But, it is more about being mindful of what we do especially towards other and ourselves as well. Continuously watching our behavior. How we talk, how we respond to others, how we give feedback. Does our attitude “polite enough” that it can be accepted by the heart of the consciousness?

When we are mindful of ourselves, the way we speak touch other people’s heart. The way we look at their eyes feel each of their breath and bring deeper connection with them. They way we touch, teach them how to be vulnerable. And it is not easy to act this way. Because in order to be able to act this way, we need to approach ourselves first. Be honest and polite to ourselves and commit to be continuously taking care of ourselves.

Honesty is probably the hardest task in this life. Because when we are honest (to ourselves), we will see the horrible things that hurts us most and created that pain again. But, there in no way out anyway. The only way to understand the pain is to face it once again, feel it and accept it. That it is already happen.

And our body such an intelligent vehicle. The body will give signs (of sickness) when the feeling is getting to much. Selfishness cause to the illness in the stomach area, sadness cause to the illness in the chest area, fear cause to the illness on the kidney, bladder and hamstring, hatred or envy create illness in the heart organ and rage create the illness in the liver organ. This knowledge is based on the teaching of Cosmology and the meridian line of Chinese medicine, both science have been used to cure many types of illness for many years.

Once of my good friend told me that he just got bronchitis problem, and this illness caused him cough so much. And then I asked him if he wanted to do some breath work, I will be happy to assist. His answer was “Not now..” I know for fact that he knew, this process is going to be painful. The breath will show him what actually cause his sickness, and in the mean time he doesn’t want to know about it. I said, “I’ll be here when you are ready.”

 

OUR NEXT PRACTICE: HEALING BREATH SEMI-PRIVATE CLASS 13 APRIL 2017, LIMITED TO 4 PARTICIPANTS ONLY!

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Start the Practice Now!

The practice starts with a question “What is your most difficult feeling?”

As we get along with our busy days, the sun comes up and goes down quickly. We don’t seem to be able enjoy the day as we are continuously busy with our thoughts and ideas. The body goes along with the thoughts, carry such a heavy weight of responsibility to fulfill all of the obligation, complete task and responsibilities. It doesn’t seem like we have time even to stop for a minutes and enjoy our own breath on this kind of day. Unfortunately, this is all we have learned for the entire time of our life, in our school, college and now at the work place.

We all have needs to be completed. Money to buy food for us and our family, monthly electricity bills, petrol and transports, clothes and blanket to keep us warm and many other stuff we cannot mention one by one. Does it mean that we are not allowed to enjoy our life even for a little bit, understand what is the essence of living and what is the purpose of our life? We can surely enchanted by the glamorous night life with boost, pretty girls and nice looking shoes. Believe it or not this entertainments are not long lasting. Even thought we have a great party night, there is something missing, something feels incomplete and still we crave more for this feeling of contentment.

Our breath has been with us from the first second we arrive in this life, and yet it never got appreciated. We have forgotten our breath entirely. We have forgotten that we are complete with it and it completes us. Even sometimes we forget to breathe.

When you start to practice with your breath, you have no other choice but to be honest. There is no way out, unless you allow it to be opened. And honestly, to open the breath is effortless. It is so easy that we have the desire to complicate it. Just like the nature of our life.

Our breath witnesses each time of memories of our life. The breath knew when was the time it was painful and also knew when was the time it was nice and beautiful. Each of the most powerful memories comes with the expression of breathing, whether it was fast or slow. And those are the gate of knowledge to pursue the wisdom from our past so we can all safe ourselves from suffering the same old life pattern, making the same mistakes, chasing tales.

OUR NEXT PRACTICE: HEALING BREATH SEMI-PRIVATE CLASS 13 APRIL 2017, LIMITED TO 4 PARTICIPANTS ONLY!

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Emotions VS Feelings

What is the different between emotions and feelings? Emotions (E-motions) is some kind of fast moved reaction/ immediate feedback to a situation. For example, your lips will say, “Ouch!” when you accidentally hit your finger with a hammer. Or you may shout to a person who accidentally step on your toes. While feelings are hidden down deep in the heart, and it is only sometimes can be felt through a realization and understanding, normally comes up after a deep contemplation or with the help through breathwork. Feelings are very private, while emotions are more common.

“Feelings is the bottom of the ocean, and emotions is the surface part of a wavy tide.”

In my understanding, feelings are built up from emotional experiences or planted by a traumatic situation. A person who has lost their parents or has lost the person they loved so much may experience deep grief and sadness. A child who has experienced childhood abuse may have feelings of deep insecurity and fear. Unfortunately, our behavior are based on these feelings. A child who has experience abusive contact from their parents may become an abusive person in their adulthood, and without realizing it they hurt other people. It is because this child has deep fear, insecurity and anger. A person who has deep grief may become a sad person and feel their life is not worth it and experience sadness, anxiety and worry in their daily basis.

Generally people hurt other people, because they are hurt inside. But, most of us don’t realize this. We have learned to avoid feeling the pain. We have learned not to admit the pain that we have. For many reason, mostly because other will judge us, we hide our pain in a sacred place. We are so afraid if other people will find out about our pain. We feel embarrassed having pain, and feel shame if other find out.

Take sadness for example, have you felt sadness before? Do you have sadness? How does it feel? Can you describe it?

Note: On our breathing practice, we categorize emotions as a form of distraction. It is similar to physical/ emotional sensations.

 

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Distraction

“With the highest honor to all of my teachers, students and friends. I would like to tell you all that I am not interested in experiencing sensations while doing my practice. I’d rather listen to my breath and let my thinking mind concern about what’s happening on the physical level rather than allowing my thinking mind wonder around and take my concentration away which destroy my practice entirely. I would love to experience the real feelings of lost and gratefulness, the real feeling of guilt and forgiveness, the real feelings of sadness and love.”

Feelings are profound and simple. Understanding feelings allow us to learn how to respect ourselves within what we do. This practice also allowing ourselves to understand that each of our life time is precious, so we can spend our life time to benefit ourselves and those who we love.

Unfortunately, no one teach us earlier how to get in touch with our feelings. Instead, most of the people around us and the society teach us to bury the feelings deep down inside our heart in the place far away to reach out. That we must peel-off layers after layers before we can get to the deepest feelings which reveals who we are.

For those who has never done breathing practice or even for those who have done the practice for a long time will find distraction along the practice. This is normal, because the body automatically refuse to experience the feelings (for many reasons). Imagine when you are threaten by a tiger, your body will automatically freeze and closed up. Same within the breathing practice. The healing journey of being open and vulnerable sometimes can be scary and surprising. The only way to get through is by having an open heart and surrender to receive and let go, allow the heart to take the lead.

Distraction happens when the feelings are almost arrive. It comes on different form of sensations. Distraction can manifest in physical sensations like dry mouth, dry tongue, dry throat, stiff neck, stiff jaw, light headed, arise heat or cold, tingle, itchiness, numbness, tremor, pounding chest, and many more; or emotional sensation like feelings relax, feeling “gone somewhere”, feeling nice, etc. Not only this, the thinking mind is very clever (but the heart mind is far more intelligent). The thinking mind will bring new ideas for life or new ideas about concept, or manifesting is different kind of thoughts that will distract your concentration to your breathing.

“To me it’s really interesting. Sometimes I feel like something is crawling on to my arm, but then when I open my eyes there is nothing on my arm. The body is super intelligent.”

The body struggle so much not to let the feelings happen, because the body knows that it will be painful. The body knows that it will be hurt. The body knows that before the release happen, it has to get through the crisis of profound confusion, painful moments that makes it not wanting to allow the feelings to arise.

Quoting from my good friend, “Just before the release happen my neck was so stiff, the back part of my legs was so painful. It feels like I just finish with a hardcore Ashtanga class. But then, the release happened and I cried so deeply. At that moment the pain is all gone.” – Lilik Manuaba.

When dealing with distraction, it is all about your intention. What do you want from your practice? That is what you will get from your practice.

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Understanding and Expressing the Feelings

Our feelings create who we are, our behavior are based on our feelings towards life. Our words are shaped from our feelings towards the world and people around us. Our view of life is based on our feelings on day-to-day basis, and how we feel about ourselves. Are these not enough reason why we need understand our feelings?

By understanding the feeling of “fear” for example, then we become aware and notice the feeling of insecurity and anxiety towards life is caused by this “fear”. By understanding the feeling of “sadness and grief”, then we become notice and aware about the reason why we become sensitive and feeling hurt for most of the time. By understanding and admitting the feeling of “guilt”, then we understand not to create and project that guilty to other people and not continuously making the same pattern of being the victim.

Remember that law of “attract – manifest – project”? We are all the time projecting our feelings to others, especially our significant others; our husband, wife, parents, children, etc. Thus we attract similar feeling to arise within them and at the end manifesting the feeling that we have expected. However, the feelings we have created are not always good for them, sometimes we project our insecurity or fear to them as well. So, by understanding, admitting and expressing these feelings completely and fully, we don’t need to carry them around anymore.

The feelings that have been expressed allow relieve to happen in the physical state. Thus, the body feels more comfortable and more relax. And, in mental state, helps the mind to become more settle, calm and peaceful.

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The Feelings

“Just like the ocean have the taste of salt. This teaching has only one taste, the taste of freedom.” – Buddha.

Only when we understand our feelings which create range of thoughts. We can have the independence to let this thought arise and pass away. Just like all things, suffering or satisfaction, all things will arise and pass away. When there is a start, there always be an end.

We might be confused of feelings (comes from the center of your heart) and other “feelings” that mostly mentioned on our daily activities. Feeling hungry, feeling tired, feeling sleepy, feeling lazy …. these are different from feelings like: sadness, fear, hatred, envy, ruthlessness, indecisiveness, selfish, greed, panic, insecurity, frustration, embarrassment, guilt; including feelings of love, compassion, joy, self-respect, enlighten, sympathy, caring, wisdom, security, and so on… these are the feelings that we never talked about, and yet never been admitted nor expressed.

We, human as animal have natural instinct, like hunger, or wanting to mate (producing offspring/ children). However have the capabilities to reach out the “higher-state”of understanding feelings. Understanding the “deeper feelings” can helps us view our world as what it is, both create happiness or suffering. These feelings have been brought since the beginning of our birth. Indeed we have tendency to learn one or two specific feelings stronger/ deeper than other feelings (from our parents, or our significant others). Or even some of us have the tendency to learn not to feel anything, or to shut our feelings throughout our lifetime.

The feelings that we meant was feelings are like rage (deep anger), envy, ruthlessness, indecisiveness, judgmental, frustration, resentment, selfishness, self-pity, self-center, shame, fear, shock/ trauma, lonely, panic, confuse, hysteria, insecurity, narrow minded, vanity, sadness, grief; including the encounter feelings of love and appreciation, wisdom, self-respect, joy, self-discrimination, openness, assertiveness, clarity, awareness and understanding, sympathy, compassion, humility, equanimity, contentment, peace of mind, wisdom, security, open-minded, easy going and so on. These are feelings that for some reason within the time of our lives has been incubated inside, and for some reason sometimes we are not allowing ourselves to feel or admit nor express these feelings completely and fully.

Ask yourself, how do you feel now? Do you understand the feelings of those words mentioned above?

Other important note to understand is that feelings are different from emotions. Emotions are the quick feedback/ response on certain situation, while feelings has lied for a long time within a self, down deep in the center of heart. For example: “angry people are angry because they have had anger inside them. And that anger might be caused by them being hurt.”

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