Diary: Facilitator Training Day#1

Dear U,

Another class-practice has passed and each time feeling gets deeper, pain gets more and more tangible. This pain that has long I carried, but never realize having it. This pain that has caused my chest feels heavy every time I try to breath deep.

The greatest fear has finally appeared. This fear that has haunted me all this time. Loneliness, fear of being dumped and unaccepted, fear of being rejected, fear of not being loved, fear of being hated (by everything). Everything I have called through my own ability, power and intentions.

Fear of seeing what my thoughts come true in this fabricated physical reality. All thoughts, including the good and the bad. Including all of my insecurity, including all of my shame.

Feeling of missing someone, or something. Those who love me but I pushed them away. I have refused them. Guilt was strong.

I was angry. Angry for what I have done, everything. Angry for being that person I was at that one moment of my life. I tried not to get angry, but I failed. I was still angry to that person I become at that case, in that moment. I wish I was stronger. I tried.

Sadness was monstrous. Throwing rocks at my chest. Creating ghost in my head, to make me run from it’s reality.

Sadness of me not having the ability to be in love.

I want to learn that. Please teach me.

 

A Letter to the Universe | Via Wijaya

Chat with me: skype: wijayav | instagram: @viawijaya.yoga | whatsapp: +628176881511 | via.wijaya@gmail.com | facebook: https://www.facebook.com/viawijaya.yoga

Pasrah

Kepasrahan adalah satu-satunya kunci untuk dapat melewati seluruh proses hidup yang menyakitkan. Pengetahuan ini menjadi kunci dasar berlatih bagi kedua belah pihak, baik peserta maupun fasilitator. Satu-satunya untuk dapat pasrah adalah dengan mengenali dan memahami rasa sakit itu sendiri (baik dalam fenomena fisik maupun mental), bukan menghindarinya. Memahami rasa sakit tersebut dengan tujuan agar kita tidak mengalami rasa sakit itu kembali dikemudian hari atau di pengalaman yang lain.

Kesulitan untuk dapat merasa pasrah, dikarenakan masing-masing dari kita memiliki pengetahuan mengenai ego yang lebih kuat dibandingkan dengan pengetahuan mengenai alam bawah sadar (yang menjadi dasar insting alami manusia untuk menjalani hidupnya sebagai makhluk tertinggi dibandingkan dengan makhluk lain).

Kebanyakan dari kita masih memiliki kesulitan untuk menerima kenyataan hidup yang harus kita terima dikarenakan oleh “kesalahan dari kita sendiri”.

Pertanyaan selanjutnya mengapa kita berbuat salah? Apa sebenarnya kesalahan itu? Siapa yang menentukan hal tersebut salah (atau benar)? Kapan kita berbuat salah? Dimana kita berbuat salah? Ketika kita merasa bersalah (guilty), perasaan tersebut adalah ekspresi yang terpancar dalam kehiduan nyata fisik kita (realitas). Ketika tidak ada rasa bersalah dalam diri seseorang, artinya orang tersebut telah memiliki pemahaman mengenai apa yang diperbuatnya (being aware of what he does). Ia melakukan hal tersebut atas dasar dan tujuan untuk kebaikan dirinya dan kebaikan makhluk lain. Dengan demikian kegiatan yang dilaksanakannya dilaksanakan dengan penuh kesadaran, dengan demikian ia akan dapat mengetahui mana perbuatan yang dilakukan atas dasar ego, atau atas dasar sadar (yang sesuai dengan apa yang kita perlukan).

Kesulitan lain antara lain, kebanyakan dari kita tidak bertanggung jawab atas rasa bersalah tersebut, dengan tidak ingin merasa bersalah (dengan kata lain ingin menang sendiri).

Ketika seseorang telah dapat menyadari, mengakui dan mengekpresikan rasa bersalah tersebut, maka barulah perasaan lain akan dapat tereksresikan. Perasaan yang muncul kemudian antara lain marah (angry), sedih (sad), takut (fear/ insecurity), kesendirian (loneliness), dan sebagainya terkait dengan pengalaman apa yang pernah dialami olehnya semasa hidupnya. Perasaan negatif yang telah terekspresikan akan memberikan ruang bagi perasaan positif untuk dapat tumbuh dalam diri seseorang. Dengan begini seseorang tersebut telah mulai berlatih untuk dapat memahami arti kasih sayang (berbuat baik) kepada makhluk lainnya.

Sebenarnya telah diajarkan di berbagai kitab suci bahwa tidak ada manusia yang derajatnya lebih tinggi dari manusia lain (dimata semua makhluk sumber kehidupan). Mereka memiliki kekuatan dan kesempatan hidup yang sama. Apa yang diperbuatnya akan menjadi balasan yang didapatkannya semasa hidupnya, umat Hindu dan Buddha menyebutnya sebagai karma, umat Muslim dan Kristiani menyebutnya sebagai pahala. Semakin banyak kebaikan yang dilakukannya, maka semakin banyak pula kebaikan yang didapatkannya. Begitu sepengetahuan saya.

 

Chat with me: skype:wijayav | wechat: viayogabali | whatsapp: +628176881511 | via.wijaya@gmail.com

Fear

Fear is that feeling when you afraid to face the darkest part of the night, not knowing that it is almost dawn.

Do you know that the darkest part of the night happens few hours before dawn? Those few hours are the most powerful part of the night. Most magic happens in those hours, most curse happens in those hours too.

Fear is when you react negatively before anything (even) happen to you. Constantly being suspicious with your life, thinking that something will go wrong. Fear is that feeling of distrustful to our own universe. The universe that we have created.

Fear is probably the most powerful feelings that we try to avoid all the time. It is difficult for us because we have learned that being born is a scary thing to happen. Imagine when we live in the womb, with a nice floating bed, warm, soft and quiet. And then, without knowing it, we were rejected from that comfy bubble. Arrive to a cold, bright, loud hospital room. The first thing that we learn was: this world is a scary place. Our mind have forgotten about it, but our body remembers.

Not only that, in our first 10 years we depend on our parents and our families. We learn to be depending on others.  We learn to trust them, we learn to be fit to the society, even tough sometimes things not always went the way we want. Leave us feeling lonely and distrust, afraid and not confident.

We afraid to do anything. We afraid to make decision, we afraid to love, we afraid to stand for ourselves, we afraid to protect those who we love most, we even afraid to feel our feelings. We afraid about everything.

This worry creates insecurity. In fact we learned insecurity from our surrounding, our parents and our society. We feel insecure that we don’t have money, we feel insecure that don’t look sexy and attractive, we feel insecure that we can’t express our sexuality and love.

This fear is within everything. Fear of losing, fear of having. Fear of wanting, fear of rejecting. Fear of hating, fear of loving.

What shall we do?

Chat with me: skype: wijayav | instagram: @viawijaya.yoga | whatsapp: +628176881511 | via.wijaya@gmail.com | facebook: https://www.facebook.com/viawijaya.yoga

Ignorance

“In this difficult days when each morning filled with heart broken and each evening filled with confusion and anxiety. Why unfortunate things happen to me? Why people hurt my feelings and not realize doing it? What did I do wrong?”

We are all suffering in this life. But what is the greatest suffering can happen to us? We suffer from lacking money; suffer from unhappy relationship; suffer from physical diseases; we suffer from attachment on to something; we suffer from wanting and grasping more and more..  To me, the greatest suffering is: not knowing that we are suffering. This all comes down to the behavior pattern of ignorance.

In most cases, people are afraid that they will lose the opportunity to get more money, so then they work every single day to make sure they catch all potential opportunity to get money. Ignoring the fact that they need to rest and they need to make time for themselves. Ignoring the fact that the body needs to take a pause. I would rather choose to be able to take a pause and then work efficiently.

Most problem that happen in many generation is that: we all repeat the same life pattern that has happened before us. Including all mistakes and difficulties. Unfortunately, most of us not aware about this because we are too busy with our daily activities. We are too busy with our anxiety and worry, we are too busy avoiding or denying our life. So that we don’t even have time to take care of ourselves and understand what is actually going on here?

It is all mostly easy to say, but hard to do.

Chat with me: skype: wijayav | instagram: @viawijaya.yoga | whatsapp: +628176881511 | via.wijaya@gmail.com | facebook: https://www.facebook.com/viawijaya.yoga